stop the world, i want to get off!

I am very excited to go, but I do have to admit that there is something quite scary about the whole idea. it finally became real when i received my contract a little over a week ago. this is really happening. but last night, it hit like a ton of bricks. i’m not sure why. yes, i’m in my late 20s, but i’ve never been away from my family for this long. i’m very close to everyone and i think i’m upset at the idea of having limited communication with everyone. mom and i talk on a near-daily basis (though maybe this will let her get her work done while at work!) and now that we are finally out of that nightmare of an apartment, things are going great with my boyfriend of 4 years (we just celebrated, more on that later). and i’ll be missing my brother’s high school graduation- he’s the baby of the family, and the only boy.

yes, i’m homesick and i haven’t even left yet.

but it will be fun. i know it will be. sure, i’ll get homesick, but i’m sure most people will at some point, so we’ll all just have to be there for each other.

i picked up an excellent book that is helping me keep my mind off the depressing and on the exciting. it has sections on most of the places we will be going to in china. it sounds like there will be tons of impressive sights to see and activities to experience.

plus, i found out i have two friends in china, and my mom knows someone in thailand, i believe, who has mentioned he wants to see the show, and would be there to help should i need it.

it’s funny, the part i am most concerned with is performing! i’ve never done a show longer than 3 months. and i’ve never been an understudy, much less an u/s for TWO roles. it’s weird. like, we were writing invitations for my goodbye party and she wrote “many happy performances as liesl or luisa.” which i hope is true. but on the other hand, you don’t hope. because on that kind of tour, if i HAVE to go on, it’s likely because either someone is sick and miserable- and who wants that? or someone had something really bad happen (death in the family?)- and who wants THAT? so i had to have her take that off. but i do hope to get to go on as either one. it’s really a double edged sword, being an u/s on this type of project. but i AM excited to FINALLY be doing a SOM. if i had to hear once more how “perfect” i am for this show, i would probably have to pull my hair out! but then i’d be bald, so maybe not.

i also got other “bad” news. i’ve been in a musical performance class that has our final performance next wednesday. i was looking forward to it. but we just learned that terry’s (my bf) movie will be premiering at the Ziegfield here in Manhattan the SAME night at the SAME time. but if i don’t go see it that night, i won’t get to see it until i come back to the US and catch it on DVD. definitely NOT the same. so now i have to decide if i can give up this class performance. but i really think the movie screening is more important. i can perform whenever. but his movie will only premier once. but it still stinks that they had to fall on the same night at the same time. isn’t that how life is?

in other news, i might be fighting illness. i’m not sure. i was fine until yesterday, when suddenly, i didn’t feel so good, but it was limited to a sore throat, but just a feeling of something had scratched it, not like there was phlegm or anything. i hope i’m not getting sick. i really hope. i probably won’t be able to sing in class tonight, and if i AM sick, i sure won’t be able to perform next week anyway.

“Stop the world, I want to get off!” it’s just too much to think about… can’t do it… brain overload…